Category Archives: quizzes and lists

Via Pip. Try it, it’s fun!

Seatbelt Traits and Tendencies: After a long night of The Seatbelt pose (and Seatbelts do sleep close to ten hours a night, quite a bit longer than the typical seven and a half), couples wake feeling warm, safe, and uniquely free of doubt. Regular doses of the pose can elevate Seatbelters to a new level of personal confidence, which buoys them to great heights in love and at the gym and can lead to plum promotions and camera time.

Comfort Zone: The Seatbelt pose is in the Sun Sleeper family. Related Sun poses to try: The Heimlich and Classic Spoons.

Health Note: For some couples (about one in every fifteen), extended periods of The Seatbelt’s patented “coziness” can lead to feelings of drugged complacency. If this happens to you, try switching to the Flying Bobs pose for as many nights as it takes to get the blood flowing again.

Find your own pose!

Things that will be banned:
1. Leaf blowers – man, do I hate those things. They make a noise just like a dentist’s drill.
2. Asshole drivers who cut in front of me in the parking lot and take my space.
3. 98% of network TV.
4. Vehicles with insanely loud bass speakers. I don’t care if you want it loud inside the car, but why does it have to be loud outside?
5. The Bush administration.

Things that will be mandated:
1. Personal masseuses or masseurs.
2. Cheap, decent beer.
3. Two-month vacations for everyone.
4. 1000% pay raises for K-12 teachers.
5. Endless funding for public art.

What’s on your list?

‘What will your obituary say?’ at QuizGalaxy.com

(thanks to Matt for the link)

You Are Fish

You have a well formed palate and a daring appetite. If it’s served to you, you’ll at least try it. People are pretty scared of your exotic ways. But once they get a taste of you, they’re addicted!

(via Brazen Hussy, who is also fish)

1. No big deal, she’ll settle down in a few minutes – she loves car rides.

2. OK, so she’s hungry – it’s only a 10 minute drive, she’ll be fine until we get home.

3. Erk. She sounds really pissed. Should I pull over?

4. All right, get a grip. We’re almost there, don’t be such a new parent ninny.

5. OMG, I’m totally wrecking her two-week-old psyche. She’s crying and I’m not there to comfort her! What kind of message is that sending her? I’M A TERRIBLE MOTHER!

6. Right, deep breaths. Crying for 5 minutes is not going to leave lasting scars. She won’t even remember it in 1/2 an hour. Now focus on your driving so you don’t have a fricking car accident before you get home.

7. Jesus tap-dancing Christ, could I hit MORE red lights?

8. Why does everyone on this road drive so goddamn SLOWLY?

9. I wonder if I can start breastfeeding her while getting her out of her carseat …

10. Home! Thank GOD. Clearly, there’s only one solution: I’m never going out again.

I just created a document that I spontaneously titled, “Transition Matrix for My Maternity Leave.”

Gah. I need to quit this job.