Things that are not fun: going to the MOA this evening to buy Mr. Squab some much-needed shoes with an extremely crank-ass toddler in tow. She didn’t want to be carried, no she DID want to be carried WHY AREN’T YOU CARRYING HER? Just let her run in the shoe aisles, that’s all she ever wanted to do, except the shoe aisles SUCK, Jesus Christ just let her out into the MALL, ok fine, then, she will just sit on the floor and cry. Now are you happy?
This behavior lasted right up until we’d gotten the check for our hastily consumed supper, at which point the Hatchling decided all she needed in this world was a ballpoint pen and the receipt to draw on, and happily spent about 10 minutes intensely scribbling on the tiny piece of paper. Because by that point, of course, we were too exhausted to make her stop before she was ready. (“Boo boo, are you ready to go?” “NO.” Scribble, scribble, scribble. “Do you want to go home and see the kitties?” “Nononono.”)
When we were finally back in the car, nothing would do but that Mama had to sing songs all the way home. Mama, of course, is still getting over her stinky cold and has a dry hacking cough that makes repeated renditions of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” (a perennial favorite) somewhat trying. So Mr. Squab decided to “help” by providing some back up singing/commentary that did indeed add a little je ne sais quoi to the ditty. See for yourself:
I’ve been working on the railroad (toot! toot! toot!)
All the livelong day (clank! clank!)
I’ve been working on the railroad
Just to pass the time away (pass the time!)
Can’t you hear the whistle blowing? (toot! toot! toot!)
Rise up so early in the morn! (Man, it’s early!)
Can’t you hear the captain calling: (whoo! woo!)
Dinah, blow your horn! (Blow it, Dinah!)
Dinah won’t you blow, (blow!)
Dinah won’t you blow, (blow!)
Dinah won’t you blow your horn? (toot!)
Dinah won’t you blow, (come on!)
Dinah won’t you blow, (pretty please?)
Dinah won’t you blow your horn? (blow it goooood.)
Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah (who is it?)
Someone’s in the kitchen I know-oh-oh-oh (who can it be?)
Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah (but who?)
Strumming on the old banjo, and singing
Fee, fie, fiddly-eye-oh (that’s a weird song)
Fee fie fiddly-eye oh-oh-oh-oh (seriously, that’s weird)
Fee, fie, fiddly-eye-oh (why not use words?)
Strumming on the old banjo. (WHO ARE YOU?!?!)
It’s kind of hard to sing when you’re having a fit of the giggles, I tell you what.
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